strength clare: Party of Four: The joy, trials, and tribulations of adding a second baby

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Party of Four: The joy, trials, and tribulations of adding a second baby

With one toddler, sometimes the days are magically rhythmic. He?s decently behaved for a two year old, you have a routine and a schedule, mama?s hair is sorta fixed every morning. You think, ?I got this!? and roll along with your days. Watch the world through the kid?s eyes and deal with nutty two year old behavior.

My Kyle was born in September. We have a 2.5 year old, Jack. The transition to two kids was- is- hard.? Kyle?s entrance into the world was particularly exciting because he had seizures and did a NICU stay for 5 days.

I don?t know about the transition to more than two kids, but after feeling pretty confident in my mothering skillz with the one, the addition of another is throwing me for a loop. We are four months in, and this is what I wish I knew beforehand:

1. Help your big kid learn independence as much as possible before baby arrives

We practiced a lot of ?big kid? things before baby came. Our list included self-feeding, cleaning up toys, and potty routines.? The winner for Jack has been learning to hop in the car and sit in his carseat while I put in the baby.

2. Cherish your toddler, anticipate your next

Your big kid looks SO big next to a newborn! I wish I had sat down and actually thought- with excitement!- about having a second baby. We did big brother books and basics of what a baby needs, but what would have helped is specifics to our home and our family. Show your toddler how to help and which things are safe for baby before- true story- he tries to ?share? a peanut with your one month old.

3. Give everyone attention

Sure, since you aren?t going to be exhausted! I wish I had paid a little more attention to my sweet, heroic hubs. Also 1:1 time with mom & big kid, away from a crying baby, made a big difference in his attitude. We didn?t discover that until Kyle was 3 months old. And this one is easy, but remember to take a good long look at that new tiny face also.

4. Let your friends help you

Let that nice playgroup mama bring you a casserole or take your big kid for the morning. Don?t feel like you?re going to owe her one.

5. It?s an adjustment for the whole family

Lots of kindness. Do-overs. Grace. A wee bit of Elmo. Snack cups for everyone. Caffeine. I have continually been impressed by my toddler. He loves his brother so much, and the feeling is mutual from the baby. One morning this week they played together and were laughing for 10 straight minutes. It has been so crazy, but SO fun to add another member to our family!

Anyone else have tips for adding a new little one?? What worked for you?

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Lisa is a native Houstonian transplanted to Richardson. She met her husband of 7 years, Clint, at Texas Tech. They spend their time wrangling two little guys Jack (May 2009) and Kyle (Sept 2011). She is a speech-pathologist by trade but has been given the gift of staying at home- trading scrubs for yoga pants, domesticity, and days at the park. Her favorite thing to do is watch her boys explore their world and shred away her girlieness with sirens, trains, and pirates. She loves every part of being a mom, even with things are crazy! Read more of her story on her blog or keep up with her on Twitter.