What is it like being in love? - Talk About Marriage

Hello kind readers. I am back after what was a long and exhausting summer. I almost went back to escorting twice, had dates lined up and everything, but sabotaged it at the last moment, its just didn't feel right, it really must not be the right career or intimacy choice for me. At the same time (well, on the off times) I was fairly caught up in an emotional affair with a married but recently separated man who I had been crushing on for years. He is the owner of a business I frequent, and one day he just started taking a big interest in me, but is on and off again with his wife all the time and I finally woke up and realized for the last time, I won't ever get mixed up with a married man again, even if he is separated. I also have this new neighbor who I adore, she is the most darling person ever, totally hot too, and her husband cheated on her some years ago, for years. I think he may have been testing the waters with me and I shut him down hard, and now he doesn't like me anymore and doesn't want her to be friends with me even. Maybe I was just being overly sensitive to the situation and over reacted, but she says she is very thankful for me and how I handled it, so it must have been the right thing to do. She has brought me some sort of insight, to see how it affects her still, its made it real for me, thats for sure.

So I bother you with all this because in my fairly short lived first quest to better myself, one thing that really tripped me up, was this exercise where I am supposed to fantasize about being in a normal relationship. Like that it would be like, how two people who are in love interact, what it feels like, ect. I can't. Sometimes my brain shuts down when trying because its too painful. I fear that I will never get to experience it in life, and I don't want to tease myself by thinking about it even. Those times that I was feeling strong and would try, I didn't know how. I couldn't imagine the feelings, what is it like to be in love? I have good friends who are deeply in love, and I know I should probably have this conversation with them, but honestly I am too wrecked over the subject to be able to speak about it yet. Plus I know we all have real problems in our lives (including myself), bothering my friends with "Waaa, I don't know what love is" seems stupid. So if you would please, what is it like to be in a normal, happy, loving, respectful relationship, and get to fully express and recieve the love and appreciation you share with your spouse? I feel like I am really ready to face myself and figure out what about me is so defective, so I can assure you, your words won't be wasted. Thank you.

Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/54087-what-like-being-love.html

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