Monday, September 26, 2011

The Only Constant Is Change | Unambiguously Ambidextrous

They say people never really change, but the person I am today doesn?t remotely resemble who I was even 10 years ago. A decade ago I was a twenty-something member of the entitlement class, frustrated that life hadn?t handed me a silver platter by virtue of nothing more than the fact that I was, despite my lack of education and work experience in any field, a unique individual capable of valuable insights and immeasurable talent.

I was politically socialist, though my reasons weren?t based on the evaluation of its performance in real-world situations. I merely bought into the assumptions of truth through a viewpoint that had been shaped by my upbringing. The irony is that I used to pity those who didn?t think like I did, believing they were brainwashed to adhere to traditional concepts of conservatism and religion by inheritance.

Maybe it?s a part of growing up, but the things I was doing 10 years ago just don?t apply to me anymore. For example, I used to play ice hockey up until about the age of 27. Every winter I used to play hockey in some form, whether it was with equipment in a beer league, on or roller blades in a parking lot in downtown Toronto, or just shinny pickup at Ryerson?s outdoor fountain.

I was also pretty good at playing hockey, or at least better than your average beer leaguer. I could skate very well, had good hands and keen hockey sense. And my enthusiasm for the sport was buttressed by strong interest in watching professionals in the NHL, in which two of my first cousins played. It?s unremarkable to say I grew up with a keen appreciation for Canada?s favourite sport.

Today, I don?t care about ice hockey. I can barely summon the interest to follow who?s winning in the playoffs, let alone know who the players are. There?s something altogether uninteresting about the sport now, which I neither play nor watch, and now that the dynasties of the ?80s are long gone, the Stanley Cup Champions are interchangeable and forgettable year to year. Who won the 2006 Stanley Cup? Who knows or cares?

Similarly, a decade ago I was obsessed with rock climbing. I read about it, practiced every chance I got, and trained for it at every opportunity. I gladly eschewed time from my family in order to go and ascend some obscure intricate feature of rock and thought nothing about the cost of doing it. I saved my money to purchase new equipment, and I immersed myself in the industry by working in a climbing gym and teaching courses on the side.

Today, I don?t care about climbing. I still go to the gym now and then, as I did today, but the excitement, the intense pleasure I received from climbing is gone. When I arrive to the climbing gym now, all I sense is a shadow of my former passion for the sport, but it is the pursuit of a remnant of pleasure from something I once enjoyed. I no longer want to climb. And it isn?t just in the gym. I wasn?t able to travel outside on a sunny day 10 years ago without my palms sweating and my fingers twitching to be on a rock face somewhere. Now, I?m able to go out on a sunny day with the family and not think once about being on the end of a rope.

Ten years ago I considered the accruing of wealth and assets a singularly selfish enterprise of those afflicted by capitalism?s diseased allure. The last things I wanted were a house, a car, credit and equity, two kids and a dog. To me these were signs of conformist capitulation of the uninspired. Today, I want all of these things, though I?m now delayed in my development of some of them by more than 15 years of wasted time.

I?m nothing like the person I was 10 years ago, and in a way that frightens me. All of the things I was willing to sacrifice for, all of the things I cherished and treasured, all of the convictions I held as pure as the driven snow are now gone. I believe things entirely differently and I pursue entirely different goals now. I?m also arrogantly certain that what I want in life and what I?m doing is exactly as it should be, which is exactly how I felt about everything I wanted and did 10 years ago.

The question is, what will I think and believe 10 years from now?

Source: http://unambig.com/the-only-constant-is-change/

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