The Relationship Saboteur: Playing the Victim - DivineCaroline

Much like many women out there, I have been in a failed romantic relationship. Heck, I've been in several. Unlike the majority of women, I am a relationship therapist. It's no surprise that once I became a therapist, I also entered the first healthy romantic relationship in my life. I'm still in that relationship to this day and I'm more satisfied with my love life than I have ever been - coupled or single.

My clients talk to me about their love lives. It's a huge theme, whether I'm counseling couples or individuals, whether it's for issues like relationship trouble, or something you'd never think of like anxiety or depression. We all want to know how to love better and love successfully.

The perk of being a therapist - besides absolutely loving my job - is that I now get to identify all the things that impede happiness and success in relationships. Then, I serve as a guide, identifying these sneaky thoughts and behaviors and working to change them for the better.

I see a lot of different patterns that prevent relationships from moving forward successfully. One of the biggest saboteurs of relationships is what we call 'victimization' in the world of psychobabble.?Playing the victim is one of the most prevalent and detrimental relationship no-nos I see play out time and again. So what is it?

When we play the victim in our relationships, we're basically setting ourselves up for a defensive maneuver. We're preparing to look at our partners and say, "Why are you always picking on me? I'm innocent here! You're the one with the problem."

Which sure, I'll give my clients credit, sometimes partners in relationships can be jerks. We all make mistakes. Unfortunately, while it may be partly true, playing the victim and being defensive is actually a predictor for relationship instability and divorce. Healthy couples take ownership of a problem. Regardless of whose issue it is ultimately, both partners see any bumpy road as 'our' problem instead of 'your' problem.?Playing the victim and having this thought process of, "I can't own this problem, I'm not a part of it," is actually a predictor for a host of other mental health issues. When we point the finger at others, we give up our ownership of our happiness. It's recipe for depression, anxiety, and addiction. It's also something that affects all relationships, not just romantic ones.

It's not always easy to catch ourselves in these thinking patterns, but I encourage you to examine your thoughts the next time you have a fight or a disagreement with your partner or friend. If you find yourself thinking like the victim, take a second and think about how you can own a shared the resolution of the problem. I guarantee you will find much more peace in your relationship and in your mind.

Source: http://www.divinecaroline.com/22071/133650-relationship-saboteur-playing-victim

Kohls Black Friday www.walmart.com Macho Camacho